The next morning, I dashed straight to class, making it there exactly a half hour before class started, and unsure if this counted as being late. My dentist kept me waiting 50 minutes not long ago. "It's like an unspoken rule with meetings to give people five minutes either way. At a minimum, an effort should be made to explain why the meeting is delayed. That being said, probably best to set an earlier alarm for the sake of your on-time friends’ sanity. Being late … … does not make you an important or special person. "I used to be a serial runner-laterer, and I have learnt to tell myself to be half an hour early. This tends to mean every meeting runs five minutes later. If you feel disrespected or taken for granted by the friend who's habitually late, don't. All rights reserved. Being late tells the person you’re making wait for you that you don’t care about his or her feelings, and that you don’t respect their time. … No matter what excuse he might share, he was clearly communicating that whatever he was doing was more valuable than being with us. It lowers their opinion of you. That way, you are not interrupting by being late. In other words, being late often indicates positive things about your personality. Once you have arrived at your scheduled meeting, Musson said while it's appropriate to apologise, it's not appropriate to go on and on about it. Earlier than 10 minutes is not appropriate -- in fact it's bad manners -- as it makes the person anxious. You are rude. This just goes to show their commitment to excellence and that next level of professionalism. “When someone is angry with you, being late can be a passive-aggressive response,” she says. “Remember”, he said, “if you’re on time, you’re late, but if you’re early, you’re on time”. This is the only occasion when being 'late' is acceptable, and it's not because your time is more important than the host's, it's because you are allowing them a buffer to get everything ready.". “How did it get so late so soon? "There is this presumed flexibility whereas we don't know what the other person's day might look like. "Where we are seeing this in epidemic proportions is in the workplace," Musson said. Inconsiderate: Unintentionally being late demonstrates an overall lack of consideration for the lives of others. No one will be surprised or say anything when you’re late, because that’s just you delivering on your promise of being unreliable. Today, for many people, it's common to have a more fluid view of time rather than a linear and finite view. "For a dinner party, the correct time to arrive is 10 minutes after the specified time. "I once had a friend who used to say, 'the party starts when I get there,' and I just used to think, 'wow, that's really arrogant'," Musson continued. Luckily, there are some technology companies that are trying to bridge the gap between keeping their people fully utilized and not making customers wait like Qless. Musson says while occasionally running late is out of everyone's control, you don't want to be in a position where you are known for your tardiness. People who never seem to get anywhere on time are often chided as being rude and self-centered. December is here before it's June. regardless of other factors such as age, culture, or environment) makes people 11% more likely to be late for appointments. That way I'm usually 15 minutes early," Musson said. It was some tough love and very emotional for everyone. So let's first define what we mean by "being late." "If one person is late, it could throw out the whole evening. It has nothing to do with how they feel about you (and you're not going to change it). Honestly, spitting in my face or calling me a fatty fatty boombalatty would be less rude than being continually late. To a chronically late person, this reaction might seem pretty great at first. Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” Diligent people are usually punctual because wise time management is required to accomplish their goals. You quite literally run on Dunkin', or at least some sort of caffeine. Musson says while occasionally running late is out of everyone's control, you don't want to be in a position where you are known for your tardiness. "In fact, in my experience, elite business people or elite performers will tend to be 15 minutes early. While six-course meals aren't exactly commonplace these days, Musson says repeat tardiness is still of significant consequence and shouldn't be taken lightly. As for the concept of arriving 'fashionably late', Musson is not a fan. Whoever you are doesn’t reserve you the right to be late. "Never send an email saying you are running late. Additional traits that correlated with higher levels of agreement were the Observant, … If you're running any later than that, it's expected that you would call your host and explain where you are and what time you expect to show up. While being late may send out the message, “I think I’m more important than you,” what it could actually mean is quite the opposite. You are silently communicating how you value people's time, what message that kind of behavior sends to the rest of us. But for our purposes, let's stick to the norm for U.S. business culture, which gives us about a five-minute window for showing up for a scheduled appointment. I don't agree with that. To his credit, the exec got the message loud and clear and was on time--if not early--for every meeting after that. Stick to your promise. In short: it tells us that our time is less valuable than yours. Think about how you feel whenever you go to the doctor's office, or even the DMV, where you think you have an appointment--but you find yourself waiting 15 minutes, a half hour, or even longer before you actually get to talk to someone. By repeatedly being late you may lose your job or lose trust in your friends or partners. In short: it tells us that our time is less valuable than yours. Psychologists say that lateness is a passive-aggressive act that reflects an underlying hostility. More from this show For some of us, the world can be divided into two kinds of people: those of us who show up on time, and those of us who are late. "The correct time to arrive for a business meeting would be 10 minutes earlier than the agreed time. "If you are habitually late, it suggests you are unreliable," she said. You just don’t care. "If you are habitually late, it suggests you are unreliable," she said. And let's face it: all that adds up to making you an icky person to work with. But enough! "'Was it my birthday?' Get a weekly dose of the latest news, exclusives and guides to achieving the good life. In terms of the somewhat lax attitude many people have today toward time, Musson acknowledges advanced technology could play a part, but urges this should not be the case. You Always Have Coffee. "You're creating a … English writer Edward Verrall Lucas had a view on lateness, "I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.". What kind of message do you think that sent the rest of us? "It takes a certain amount of self awareness to say 'I'm not going to do what I always do' but in this case it's very much worth it. The train inexplicably failed to turn up on time. ©2020 Verizon Media. —Interior monologue of someone who drank a Long Island iced tea." Chronic lateness is something that drives Dr. Phil up the wall. Being late is a very easy way to lose your current and potential … "It's not endearing, it's not cute, it's a flaw.​", Associate Lifestyle Editor, HuffPost Australia. She has done it for years and years. Part of HuffPost News. Sometimes. There is no such thing as arriving fashionably late. "We should use technology as assistance, not as a crutch.". And I act on it, too. "If the circumstance is out of your control and you have arrived and you are late, apologise for running late, and then let it go," Musson said. Your lateness is says a lot about you. That's because you feel like you're wasting your valuable time and that the other person and organization is demonstrating that their time is more valuable than yours. When you are late all the time, people just get sick of waiting, and pretty soon you find that you are not being invited to do things that you used to enjoy. It Can Result in Lost Opportunities. Looking at the data above, a definite pattern emerges: Judging personality types formed the peaks of agreement and Prospecting types formed the valleys. How to Break Your Habit of Always Being Late Part 2 – Keeping You Organized 166 - Duration: 16:56. "A phone call is much better form than a text for business but if it's a friend, a text is probably fine," Musson said. Never miss a thing. If you were here but in the toilet, you are late. Your dog ate your alarm clock. And inconsiderate. "Also, sending one at five past, when you are already late, is really bad form.". It's night before it's afternoon. " Manhattans are a late … "Don't forget you are a guest of the host, and should be gracious and turn up at an acceptable time. In fact, the Tactics aspect exerted a significant 11% influence on our readers’ agreement with the statement, meaning that the Prospecting trait alone (i.e. The consequences of being chronically late run deeper than many people realize, according to psychologist Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your Fears. But one member of the group simply could never show up on time. And what you are expressing is, … A person may feel so inferior that the only way they can think of to up their authority is to be late, thus reclaiming some of the power in the situation. "Essentially, running late is very poor manners," etiquette expert and founder of The Good Manners Company, Anna Musson, told The Huffington Post Australia. Now I realize that the majority of us have been late to something more than once in our lives. Unfortunately, this is such a common practice--especially among service companies, who don't seem to understand how harmful this kind of practice can be in creating lasting relationships with their customers. … The trouble is when someone is chronically late. An apology is appropriate, then quickly forge ahead, get their mind off it and get onto something else.". If you went out the night before and woke up late, be honest about it and reassure the person that it will not happen again. 'It's not endearing, it's not cute, it's a flaw'. If you are habitually late, decide to fix it. Cultivate the habit of being early. "There are a multitude of reasons as to why, but the overriding reason is it suggests deep down you think your time is more valuable than others'.". Let me explain. … says you clearly … You've got problems and you need to not feel them quickly." From being late to meetings with a colleague or client, to not delivering your product or service on time, tardiness speaks volumes about who you are and how you do business. What people forget is someone is always on the other side of your thoughtlessness.". Big … You are fortunate to be invited. It's all about having that respect.". You may not want to disturb someone by getting there too soon—say, a friend’s dinner party—so you would rather get there a little late. That says a lot about you too! Rubbish. We've all been there. They aren't lucky to have you. Just to clear this up, you are late if you are not ready to work on time. Your reasons are not important or relevant. "There is no such thing as arriving fashionably late," she told HuffPost Australia. If being late is one of your habits - best to break it now at the risk of insulting all your friends and business associates. … late once or twice in your life may be unavoidable but being late consistently makes you unreliable. SAYS Recommended for you. But the distinction that I'd like to zero in on is concerns people who are habitually late--and what message that kind of behavior sends to the rest of us. The Manic Pixie Procrastinator: The person who shows up, breathless, their whimsical flowy skirt … So we held an intervention and explained how we felt and that, if he didn't change his behavior, we would ask him to leave the group. More often than not, however, tardiness isn't due to a random fault in the public transport system, it's a fault in the way we perceive the value of time (namely, other people's). Being late is not, especially when the meeting is being held for your benefit. "In fact, in my experience, elite business people or elite performers will tend to be 15 minutes early. Lateness is incredible passive-aggressive: You are showing how you feel about a person without exactly expressing it. Losing a Potential Client It’s another way of exerting control and signaling that you’re more important than the people who you keep waiting. The truth was that we were all insulted because it was clear that this executive thought his time was more valuable than ours. For those who find it difficult to be on time, Musson says the best thing to do is pretend your meeting starts half an hour earlier than it actually does. Go to the toilet on your own time. "In some social situations, being late is a good thing," says Maggie, who considers being a little late to a dinner party being "right on time!" "The bottom line is, being late costs people money.". Otherwise, why would a customer want to work with you if you clearly don't value their time? You need to first understand that being late might depend greatly on the kind of culture you come from. Sign up to HuffPost Australia’s weekly newsletter. I don't agree with that. ​"Today, for many people, it's common to have a more fluid view of time rather than a linear and finite view. "If you think back to when etiquette was at its peak, so during the Victorian times, there were often six course dinners all perfectly timed according to wine and service," Musson continued. In most cases, your host will understand and everything will work out fine because we all know that stuff happens--from flat tires and unexpected traffic to airline delays. In South American countries, for instance, you might be considered on time if you show up within two hours of an appointment--or even on the same day! It seems texting or emailing that you are late somehow means you are no longer late. Getting to a meeting or appointment on time shows that it’s important to you, and something for which you’ve planned. Sometimes, being late is your unconscious telling you that that you don’t actually want to be there, or that it would be better for you not to be there—… Being chronically late, on the other hand, sends the message that whatever you’re doing is simply more important than the task at hand—and that your time is more valuable than everyone else’s. "It's a negative thing, so to keep bringing it up is a real downer. Being on time is professional. Your car has broken down. When You're Late For Work | NANDINI SAYS - Duration: 2:45. If you want customers to choose to do business with you, you must meet their expectations for performance. They’ll accept that you can’t be counted on, and adjust their behaviors accordingly. So let's first define what we mean by "being late." Being late makes you look bad and says you don't care about the person waiting for you. While all of us will be late from time to time, punctual people are bothered by their own tardiness and do not let it become a habit. Find out why he says you're sending negative messages about yourself to others when you're never on time. For example, I was in a business group made up of several business leaders who met regularly. "The thing is, though it is a tool to help ease the pain of being late, we rely on it too much," Musson said. However, if worst comes to worst and you are running behind, Musson says the best thing you can do is to pick up the phone as soon as you realise you're going to be late. "There are also complaints younger people have an attitude of 'the meeting starts when I get there', which annoys people and also affects productivity. While running late might not be ideal, it does happen, and sometimes it's really, truly, legitimately not your fault. The issue is that there are two kinds of lateness: 1) OK lateness. I doubt you want me to feel that way. Of course, we gave him proper positive encouragement every time he showed for the meeting start with a little cheer! Someone is always on the other side of your thoughtlessness. When you’re late for a date, especially if it’s a first date, you risk making your date angry, and you’re certainly not making a … "You don't want to be in a position where you are keeping that person waiting.". So, the point is to recognize the kind of message you send whenever you're late and to remember that, if you don't want to send the wrong message, remember to show how you value someone else's time as much as your value your own by showing up on time. In Switzerland, on the other hand, even showing up at exactly the scheduled time might be considered late since everyone is expected to show up early. It's incredibly frustrating, right? And so on, and so forth. Worse, he was always 15 to 20 minutes late for our meetings -  which means if he started 20 minutes earlier - he could have made it. Instead of being frustrated at others, take a look at yourself. 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